so that wasnt chicken after all
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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