so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
