mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pants are for mortals
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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