I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
