The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
