just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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