Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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