I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
