I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
