my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
