So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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