You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
