She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We need to get me chipped asap
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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