Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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