never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
