Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
