I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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