My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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