You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
