if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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