how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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