i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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