There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
