I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
50% drunk capacity currently
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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