I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
