My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
