Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
