I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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