So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
