I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
