I must be too annoying 4 u.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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