just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
