Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
