so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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