margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
