your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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