Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
