I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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