I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
