You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
