Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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