I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
