Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
