New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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