I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
