i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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