never play flip cup with pint glasses
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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