I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
