Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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