You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Randomize
